Here's a recap of former "Only In Nevada" items from 2007!

from December 30

Over the Christmas break a father took his son to his first UFC bout, since the Las Vegas Wranglers hockey team (which they had season tickets to) was on a long road trip.

"Where's their boxing gloves, Dad?"

"They don't use them.  They fight with their bare knuckles."

"Don't they have shoes?"

"They fight barefoot."

As the fight was about to start, the boy scoffed, "This isn't going to be a fight at all--nobody's given them their hockey sticks yet!"

from December 23

The fallout continues from the publicized Nellis Air Force base training mission in Pahrump aimed at rooting out terrorists in an urban setting, but as the transcripts of the Q&A session become public, others besides the military are getting flak.

When the Chairman of the City Council was asked why Pahrump's leaders had signed off on the exercise, he said, "We misunderstood them.  We picked the targets because we thought they were going to use real bombs."

from December 16

The fallout continues from the publicized Nellis Air Force base training mission in Pahrump aimed at rooting out terrorists in an urban setting, but as the transcripts of the Q&A session become public, others besides the military are getting flak.

When asked, "Why Pahrump?" by a reporter, the Air Force spokesman calmly replied, "Because we don't have that large an urban setting on the gunnery range."

The reporter instinctively launched a follow-up question, "Pahrump is urban?"

from December 9

The fallout continues from the publicized Nellis Air Force base training mission in Pahrump aimed at rooting out terrorists in an urban setting.

An adjudicator for the mission faulted the ability of military personnel to melt inconspicuously into the civilian population while they were tracking the bad guys.  "Everybody in town was able to ID mission members within minutes."

"How could that be," the intel officer asked?

"For one, they had the only waxed cars in town.  Secondly, there were no empty beer cans in the back seat.  And finally, no buttons were missing on their starched shirts.  And I'm not even going to mention they were the only adults on the streets at the tail end of the exercise when, around 5 pm, everyone else was at happy hour."

from December 2

Nellis announced that it had (with the city's permission) completed a training mission aimed at rooting out terrorists in an urban setting.  Air Force special forces in civilian clothes and street vehicles tracked down the bad guys, tagged them and called in an air strike to liquidate them without collateral damage.

When asked about the results, the Air Force spokesman demurred, citing national security issues.  An unnamed source from Homeland Security who had monitored the training session said the collateral damage took out two brothels, one casino and three convenience stores.

"Yes," he confided to the reporter, "Pahrump's infrastructure was wiped out."

from November 25

The driver was noticeably uncomfortable.  While stopped at the light at 215 and Valle Verde, a police car, going the speed limit, had pulled up far behind the white stripe delineating the intersection.  No policeman drives that cautiously.  Was he running a check on your plates?  Had you been doing anything wrong?  With a sigh of relief he recognized it was the old guy who drove "out of service" cars back to the substation.

from November 18

Is OJ going to get jail? Who cares!  At his second day in court, they were giving away free seats to the public.  Hey, Las Vegas is the toughest room for out-of-towners to play.  Everybody was either jazzed by the Latin American Grammees or reminiscing about Robert Goulet.

from November 11

You knew it was coming.  former Clark County Commissioner Lynnette Boggs claimed she was indigent and asked for a court-appointed attorney to represent her against charges of election and funding fraud.  While she was told she had to get a lawyer at her own expense, one of the County Commission's staffers put on the consent agenda a pay raise for commissioners.

from November 4

Another sign that fall is here: You can't see a single spaghetti strap on people walking the Strip after 5 pm.  Sweater weather, baby!

from October 28

Another sign that fall is here: It's the smug season.  You finally can brag to the folks back home that the weather is great out here and it is either gray and raining back East or they just had their first freeze warning of the year.

from October 14

Fall is here.  The hot water is hot and the cold is not.

from October 7

You knew it was coming.  former Clark County Commissioner Lynnette Boggs claimed she was indigent and asked for a court-appointed attorney to represent her against charges of election and funding fraud.  While she was told she had to get a lawyer at her own expense, one of the County Commission's staffers put on the consent agenda a pay raise for commissioners.

from September 30

Las Vegas took a periodic whipping from the East Coast press for being the city where women are treated the worst.  Grumbled a cabbie manhandling overstuffed luggage into his trunk at the Hilton--"Guys aren't treated very good, either."

from September 23

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.  How true.  O.J. thought he was a happening guy and, thanks to the facilities at the Justice Center, stayed in Vegas a little longer than he expected.

We suspect this time the shoe will fit.

from September 16

When the Badgers were in town for the football game last week, a few UNLV professors had their students do a survey for homework.  Ask as many people as you can, "Were you at the Sam Boyd Silverbowl in 2002 when the lights went at the UW-UNLV game?"  After sampling techniques were employed, students were dumb-founded.  84,047 people claimed to be at the game.  The stadium holds 40,000.

from September 9

Last week a Chlorine tanker car broke free from its train in Arden and ran away through town, stopping in North Las Vegas.  It hit speeds of 50 miles per hour near the county building.  NDOT officials were fuming.  On their best days they can't get traffic through the Spaghetti Bowl at 50 miles per hour.

from September 2

How serious is the state's refusal to grant water to the Yucca Mountain project?  The Department of Energy has hired a fleet of water trucks to bring in water from outside the state--Cedar City.

A proposal to ship in bottled water was rejected, because they would have had to hire forty-three new employees just to unscrew the bottle caps.  It wasn't hat the cost was out-of-line, but the Bush administration has put a freeze on new hires until the new budget comes out in October.

from August 26

Tomorrow's the day.  The worst traffic in town and the biggest delays in getting to work.  The cause?  First day of school!  All the parents dropping their kids off adds an average 10 minutes to the morning commute through school zones.

from August 19

The movement in primaries and caucuses back east has made Nevada take a hard look at trying to be among the first to have a say on who will run for President on the Democratic and Republican tickets.  Should we move it into December??

A surprisingly united group is forming which is lobbying the Secretary of State to have the state caucuses LAST in the country, just before the party conventions!  Henderson Police Department, Metro and Nevada Highway Patrol.  Says one of the administrators, "The overtime is killing us with all these people coming into town.  If we have it last, none of them will visit us, it won't be on the taxpayer dime and we can focus more on real policing.

And it isn't like they're going to listen to what we want, anyway.

from August 12

One die-hard NBA bettor in town took the news of a crooked ref very badly.  "Look at all the bad calls most of these refs made, which ended up costing me money.  Why even watch a game, now they have a reason for bad calls!"

from August 5

How hot was it this past month?  Hizzoner the Mayor had to drink his gin martinis on the rocks, so the last sip wouldn't burn his lips.

from July 29

How hot was it this month?  A couple of people living at Mountains Edge (a world away from grocery stores) found out by the time they got the eggs out of the trunk, they were hard-boiled!

from July 22

It came as quite a shock to the locals to find out disgraced Erin Kenny was getting $200,000 per year for consulting fees from developer Jim Rhodes.  Actually, it's quite simple--the law of supply and demand.  When Rhodes signed up Kenney on his payroll for a long-term contract, there weren't as many convicted and corrupt county commissioners awaiting sentencing.  Now they are about a dime a dozen and the salaries they can command are considerably less.

from July 15

Coming back from vacation one notices that people elsewhere do not live like they do in our fair city.  For example, Boston drivers honk their horns all the time.  Be a little slow when the light turns green and you get honked.  "Daddy," asked a little vacationer, "why do they honk their horns so much more than people in Las Vegas?"  "There are more people with guns in Las Vegas."

from July 8

A local Wisconsin transplant was bitter that he couldn't get tickets for the UNLV-Wisconsin football game this September.  Seems like every extra ticket was purchased--not by Wisconsin fans, but by a charter airline which will be putting together travel packages for the Cheddar-heads.  Local dealers and bartenders are already planning on lots of over-time for the weekend when Las Vegas becomes the largest gathering of Wisconsinites west of the Mississippi.

from July 1

The Nevada head of Homeland Security was expecting it (but still didn't like it)--some of his best men were taken by the Secret Service to guard the presidential candidates from violent attacks.  While nursing a cold one at a Reno watering hole a reporter asked him if shortening the campaign season could have averted the blow.  "Yeah," he replied, "that or actually having Republicans and Democrats run candidates that people like."

from June 24

Privatization seems to be sweeping the southern Nevada business world.  Can government be far behind?  "Not if we remember Las Vegas in the 60s," remarked a UNLV history professor.  "Clark County attempted to outsource police responsibilities to the Mob."

from June 17

The School Board Trustee was fuming.  On her daily jog she came across graffiti.  She called up Hizzoner and demanded Metro find out who did it and get back to her.

"Why are you so upset?  Was it that bad?"

The trustee spewed, "No, it was misspelled.  If I find out that kid wasn't a drop-out, some principal is going to get the ax!"

from June 10

Former Attorney General Gonzales could have at least gotten his neck out of the noose with the firing of U.S. District Attorney Bogden by saying he didn't put enough of the corrupt local politicians in jail.  Who could have disagreed?

from June 3

Small landowners in the vicinity of Kyle Canyon Road and the 95 are complaining that Nevada Department of Transportation realigned the new interchange to favor a large landholder who will now have frontage property.  We're shocked!  Shocked!

from May 27

Bipartisanship has gripped the local governing bodies of Clark County.  Democrats and Republicans are all united--they hate Gov. Gibbons' desire to use Las Vegas Convention revenues to fund local road construction.

from May 20

Work has finally begun on the bridge over Hoover Dam--the companies involved in the collapse of the construction cranes have formally filed lawsuits.

from May 13

The NBA's "don't call us, we'll call you" response to HIzzoner wasn't quite as well received as publicly reported.  Inside sources reveal Goodman initially wanted to host the Commish in a downtown hotel during next year's Grand Prix.

from May 6

It's official.  The Las Vegas Convention Authority has formally gone on record against global warming.  Quoted a spokeman, "If the recent May winds, rains and low temperatures are any indication, global warming could deeply impact the Las Vegas economy."

Already Nevada Beverage has noted an 8% drop in beer sales and sixty-four pool bartenders have been laid off.

And Nevada Power is asking for a rate increase to counter the slump in electrical demand.

from April 29

We know the state budget is tight for new road construction, but we really object to the idea floating around Carson City of keeping the Grand Prix track up year round as toll express lanes around downtown Las Vegas.

from April 22

The recent Las Vegas Grand Prix has some engineers in town wondering.  The track was caged in so the racers could not veer off course and have parts flying off and hitting innocent spectators.  They are working with the city manager to see if they could build something like it from Mayor Goodman's office to the Las Vegas City Council chambers.

from April 15

It had to come.  IGT has lobbied so hard to expand its market that some tax preparer's are using their "Double Down" technology.  You can get double your refund back, or the IRS can get double of what you owed them to begin with.  Why not bring the gamble of tax filing out into the open?

from April 8

The Venetian is taking over the Guggenheim Museum.  There were early signs it was coming when, late in the winter, an art teacher from UNLV noted a pair of dice painted in the hand of one of Rembrandt's nobles and one of the cherubs in the Flemish river painting coddling a straight flush.

from April 1

March Madness is over for our beloved Runnin' Rebels.  Never have so few born the hopes and pride of so many.  Their progress in basketball, rising to the Sweet Sixteen, was only matched by their behavior off the court.  We hope some of them stick around town--they could run for office and make some of our governing bodies class acts again.

from March 25

News that some of the smaller localities in the Midwest send out newly enlisted police officers without having them go through police academy left some of Metro's newly graduated police officers dumbfounded.  "If they tried something that crazy here, to send us out on the streets without training, we'd get guys who couldn't even find their way out of the Mandalay Bay's parking garage!

from March 18

The clear walkway over the edge of the Grand Canyon in the Indian reservation is ready for business--but business is slow!  A highly publicized ribbon cutting ceremony may be the problem.  Besides the normal local tribal representatives getting their well-deserved day in the sun were the Las Vegans involved, the visionary, the architect and the general contractor, "Lotsa Luck Construction."

from March 11

A high school civics student was puzzled.  "If Greece was the cradle of democracy, how come we don't hold elections like they did, voting every year who had to go into exile?"  "We do," the teacher said without missing a beat, "we send them into exile in Washington."

from March 4

Everyone is excited for the opening of "Spamelot" at the Wynn.  Most locals are going to be disappointed when they find out it isn't the Broadway tribute to the Circus Circus buffet.

from February 25

The chutzpah of Steve Wynn suing Lloyds of London for his poking a hole in the Pablo Picasso painting, "Le Reve" which he owns didn't even phase Wynn's legal staff.  "That's nothing," one was overheard saying to a new hire, "you should have seen how quickly after he had proposed to Elaine, he filed a suit against her for their divorce not working out!"

from February 18

The buzz on the street is that within days corporate will announce a closing date for Circus Circus and talk about the implosion that will bring it all down.  One Circus Circus spokesman bemoaned (off-the-record) "In a town with Prince at the Rio, Brittany Spears, Kid Rock and Paris Hilton doing club appearances, Hasselhoff coming with the Producers and Michael Jackson working a deal, Circus Circus got lost in the real Circus of the Strip.

from February 11

Just days before the town hosts the NBA All-Star game, prices are higher than a slam dunk.  The clubs are renting out for private parties at astronomical rates (try $1 million, plus).  Nevada Liquor has doubled their order of spirits.  So attended by the glitterati is the event that even A list celebrities aren't guaranteed a comped room at their favorite haunts.  Confided on gaming executive, "This is the biggest impact professional basketball has made on Vegas since Dennis Rodman, wearing a pink boa, collapsed on a craps table."

from February 4

The Nevada Boxing Commission has finally restored sanity--in government!  Because neither ex-governor Guinn or current Governor Gibbons had not been licensed by the agency, neither are permitted to fight in the state of Nevada.  They did, however, indicate they might be willing to make an exception for the Governor's wife, Dawn, and Chrissy Mazzeo.

from January 28

The cold spell took everybody's breath away.  Literally!  A tourist from northern Minnesota had sojourned out to a local eatery for some local flavor lunch and overheard the locals griping and complaining about the cold.  "But it's a dry cold!" he replied!

from January 21

Almost a month after the fact, the Las Vegas Bowl people are basking in their success.  There was only one glitch.  The traffic signs posted along I-515 originally said, "Las Vegas Bowl, Special Event Ahead.  No Tickets."  It took about two hours for the beleaguered NHP, which had a fivefold increase in speeding violations, to get across to them that the words they should tell motorists is "SOLD OUT."

from January 14

It is a nice fit.  Hizzoner Goodman is teaching a class at CCSN.  Political Science?  Nope.  Law for the layman?  Nope.  How to spot worthy charities.  Nope, again.

How to make a martini.  His secret?  Pour the gin ice cold into a glass.  Have another glass with ice cubes in it and put two olives on the ice.  Drink the gin and nibble the olives later, because the ice and olives wouldn't leave enough room for the gin.  We can hardly wait to hear his idea for a privately funded arena for a professional sports team downtown.

from January 7

Everybody's fretting that the new wave of investors buying up the casinos and taking them private is going to ruin Las Vegas.  Yup.  Life was miserable back when Wynn owned the Golden Nugget, Benny had his hands in the Horseshoe, Ingelsteadt was doing his thing with the Imperial Palace and any number of other individuals were trying to actually lure people into their casinos with good, cheap food, decently priced entertainment, unusual and interesting events and rooms that had cheerful staffs to serve them.