(when the good life isn’t really good)
Too Many Jobs (Materialism)
“Can’t live without ‘em, can’t live with ‘em.” That’s the common wisdom about spouses. The starry-eyed young couple in premarital counseling can’t figure out why God ordained it that there will be no marriage in heaven. The saintly grandma and grandpa celebrating 50 years of wedded bliss together realize the Lord was quite wise in having human beings unmarried, “like the angels,” in heaven. That’s part of what will make it heaven.
It is apparent that human sexuality is an area of great interest, especially when it makes us run afoul. Perhaps nowhere in our country is the conversation likely to get more dicey than in talking about divorce. Yet the Bible is amazingly simple in what it says. We base our entire teaching on divorce on the basis of two passages. It doesn’t seem to be a matter of clarity in the Scriptures as much as an unwillingness in the human heart to hear what Scripture says.
Here we go.
The Pharisees had very liberal divorce laws. They could divorce a woman literally for any and all reasons. One noted rabbi (Hillel) counseled divorce was permissible if “she burned the soup.” Another (Akiba) was even more forthcoming: if a man found a more attractive woman, he could divorce his wife. One even expressed the wish to be married to a woman (in a distant land) for a day and then divorce her! All a man had to do was present her and the local rabbi with a certificate stating he was divorcing his wife. The rabbi could counsel (and the believing ones certainly must have, for there were more than a few who believed exactly the way Jesus did) or simply accept the certificate.
What does Jesus set forth as the basis of marriage? Why is this very important?
“In the beginning”--God’s order of creation. The Christian’s view of marriage isn’t a cultural “thing,” it is an institution God has given to all mankind, in every land and at all times.
Who alone has the right to end a marriage?
God, through death.
Why is there divorce?
Because of the hardness of sinful human hearts.
What is the one grounds Jesus gives by which a believer can innocently seek a divorce? Why is this grounds for a divorce?
Marital unfaithfulness. Marital unfaithlness in a stroke destroys the faith and trust and commitment a marriage is founded on. You can’t be one with your wife and one with someone else’s wife.
What is the result in God’s eyes, of unscriptural divorces?
The guilty party, even if remarried, is still in the sin of adultery.
The disciples react with disbelief. Better not to be married! What do Jesus’ closing words in vv. 11-12 address, marriage for life or being single for life? Explain your answer.
Jesus is extolling marriage for life for the majority of people. When the disciples say it is better not to be married, Jesus tells them most people cannot live like that, though there ARE some who do, eunuchs, either naturally so or made by man or those who willingly give up marriage for their faith.
An elderly gentleman has been a member of a church for the past five years. The new pastor preaches on Matthew 19 in the course of his first year at the church (it’s in the regular Scripture series) and the man feels troubled. He has not always been a gentleman. Twice divorced in his wild Marine days, he is now on his third marriage which has lasted 22 years. He comes to the pastor. He is troubled because he’s been divorced.
What should the man be told—is divorce the unforgivable sin?
No, divorce is not the unforgivable sin. There is forgiveness for divorce, also, to those who repent. The man is showing his repentance by coming to the pastor and, by his actions in being married 22 years, has shown he intends to make his last marriage last—that’s a fruit of repentance. He should be assured that the Lord has taken away his sin and will bless all who live in God’s ways.
The Apostle Paul gives us the second passage regarding divorce. When he came into Corinth, not everyone believed. Evidently there were more than a few people who believed while their spouses absolutely detested Christianity. They hated Jesus so much, that they moved out on their spouse, abandoning them. The Corinthian Christians wrote Paul asking if they were still married in God’s eyes. Here’s what he said.
How does Paul show he agrees with Jesus’ teaching on divorce?
He says it is the Lord’s command not to divorce.
Are ongoing religious differences grounds for divorce? Is religion grounds for saying no marriage ever took place? Explain your answers.
While ongoing religious differences may make for a rocky marriage—Paul shows this by mentioning them—it is not grounds for divorce. If the unbeliever is willing to stay married, you stay married. The “mixed” couple is married. That’s what Paul’s use of “sanctified” means. The life-style the “mixed” couple is living is holy, God-pleasing. You cannot say this couple, even before one became a Christian, wasn’t really married.
Why is there the emphasis in some churches that only a marriage in the church is valid?
It is a man-made emphasis that tries to extol their church and elevate their ceremonies to the level of God’s ceremonies, to the burdening of consciences. Certainly a marriage overtly blessed by God in a church service is beneficial, but it is not the essence of a marriage. Marriages performed by the Justice of the Peace are legal and recognized by the Evangelical Lutheran Church.
What does break a marriage besides marital unfaithfulness?
An unwillingness to live together—we call it malicious desertion.
What might the “such circumstances” today be that show the unbelieving spouse is unwilling to live with the believing spouse?
Addiction to gambling, booze or drugs that makes the partner waste money needed for the essentials of the family. Child abuse, spousal abuse.
John and Jane did not have a perfect marriage. He was a drinker, she a spender. Over the years they had scarred each other greatly, but had managed to work through it all with lots of time in the pastor’s study. They had a good pastor who realized he was the shepherd of all the flock all the time, not just the well-behaved flock or the flock that gathered on Sunday mornings. Anyway, the years finally took a toll. Jane had had it. She was not willing to live with nothing to show for her life. She was sick and tired of always looking after John, though he had been on the wagon for 7 years. At the ripe age of 55 she wanted out. John was willing to try to work things out, though he knew he couldn’t do a lot of reinventing himself, nearing 60. After two more visits with the pastor, Jane said she wasn’t coming to counseling any more. Her lawyer would be filing papers in the morning. The pastor promptly put her under church discipline. The divorce went through. Jean was excommunicated. Explain what that new pastor was basing is decisions on.
Jean was no longer willing to work on her marriage, no longer willing to be married to John, even though she had forgiven him and been willing to live with him sober for the past 7 years.
Discuss divorce as it pertains to a pastor continuing to be a pastor.
If the pastor seeks an unscriptural divorce, it is pretty obvious he is unwilling to live by God’s Word, the very Word he insists his members live by—he can no longer be a pastor and should be removed by the people/synod immediately.
If the pastor’s wife seeks a divorce, the old thinking was that the pastor should also step down, because he is to set an example to the flock. If he cannot keep his own marriage together, how can he help others keep their marriages together? Lately this has been changing as society’s attitudes change, but I notice a lot of the guys who do go through a divorce and stay in the ministry are not faithful to it. They join other synods or later drop out. The wear and tear on them and the congregations they serve could be avoided if we stuck to the old ways regarding a pastor getting divorced.